


Who Cares?

by GalacticallyNonbinary



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: (totally isn't based off of personal experience except it is), Angst, Gen, Logan angst, Logan is an angsty babe, hug him and love him, just pls protect my nerdy son, possibly triggering for self-hatred and self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 04:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11982606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalacticallyNonbinary/pseuds/GalacticallyNonbinary
Summary: Do the fans like Logan as much as the others? If they don't, how can he make them like him? And, god, why did Thomas want to do a video about personal identity?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'll get back to my multi-chapter stuff soon, I promise! But the new video gave me ideas so, sorry!

Logan had been a fun teacher character. Admittedly, he’d enjoyed playing that role in Thomas’ vines. He liked to rewatch the vines they’d made, and he loved to see the people who laughed his character in the comments.

And then the Sanders Sides videos started.

_“Hello there class!”_

He’d gone in with a smile. He was basically playing himself, and even he had to admit that the idea for the videos was rather creative. Logan was excited.

Slowly, as Anxiety joined the videos, they each fell into their roles. Patton, the adorable, loveable, innocent one. The fans adored him. Logan didn’t mind. Roman, the dramatic, romantic, fanciful one. The fans fell in love with him. Logan didn’t mind. Virgil, the dark, sarcastic, snarky one. The fans went wild over him. Logan didn’t mind. He didn’t mind, because he was Logan, the smart, nerdy… ** _well that’s really all there is to me..._** The fans…well they liked him. Didn’t they?

_“You’re the least popular character and you know it.”_

He didn’t tell Virgil how much it hurt for two reasons.

Reason One: He understood that the boy wasn’t truly mean-spirited, and Logan didn’t want to make him feel guilty by talking to him about it.

Reason Two: He didn’t want to show that it had hurt him. He was the logical one, the one with no emotions. He shouldn’t even care about that remark. It shouldn’t even affect him.

But it did.

He figured, if the fans didn’t like him as much as the others, that was…well it was alright! It was fine! He could continue being the voice of reason. If the fans don’t like him as much, who cares?

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, a voice whispered,

**_“You care.”_ **

**_No I don’t._ **

So he held on to his identity. If the fans weren’t going to appreciate him, he could branch out, learn more things, and forge a new identity. _Make_ them like him.

Flashcards.

**_Most of the fans are young, and they knew about popular slang terms. Obviously, they would appreciate if I learned them too._ **

He dabbed, he asked Thomas what these new words meant. The others laughed at him. The fans laughed too, but they saw it as endearing. His plan was working, but still wasn’t enough.

His identity was big words, it was being smart.

**_“Infinitesimal. Adjective. Extremely small.”_ **

The definition was engrained into his brain, a neural pathway carved just to remember that word. That word, and his mistake. Of course, Patton had known it. Apparently, Patton knew big words.

**_“El principe es estupido. Spanish for: the prince is stupid.”_ **

Roman knew Spanish. Well if Roman could learn a new language, Logan could do better. He could learn one very specific phrase in a multitude of languages. 

His identity was his intelligence, and now the two of them were taking that from him.

And, of course, Thomas wanted to do a video about identity. Joan had suggested it, Thomas had loved it. Roman had loved it. Patton had loved it. Virgil appreciated the kindness they all showed to him, he appreciated learning more about his identity. Logan hated it, he despised the idea from the start.

_“Patton seems more like a Ravenclaw to me.”_

**_No! I’m the Ravenclaw! I’m the smart one! That’s who I am! You can’t take that away from me!_ **

_“Logan seems more like a Gryffindor!”_

**_NO! I’m a Ravenclaw! I’m not conceited like them, I’m not reckless! I’m smart! That’s my identity!_ **

_“…because he’s my hero…”_

Adrenaline was already coursing through his body, his heart was beating too fast, his breathing wasn’t normal, his face was _hot, too hot, **everything is too much…**_

_“We get it! You’re adorable!”_

He hated himself for yelling at Patton, hated himself for proving Patton’s point, and he knew that the fans would read into that line.

**_Let them. Maybe if they think I actually have emotions, (which I don’t!) they’ll like me better._ **

_“Logan, you could be the Slytherin of the group.”_

Alright, that was closer. Slytherins were resourceful and cunning, they were strong leaders. _That_ fit into the identity he had created for himself.

_“A disregard for the rules.”_

**_NO!!_ **

That wasn’t him, he followed the rules. Rules gave structure, rules made sense. The rules he had created along with his identity made him happy. That was not him.

_“If anyone else here was going to be Ravenclaw, I would think it would be you.”_

**_Virgil wouldn’t try to steal my identity like the others._ **

_“Hey Logan! Matching logos!”_

**_I wanted the logo to be my thing! It was part of my new identity, why oh god why does Patton have to continuously do this to me?!_ **

And so the video was finally over. Logan could go back to his room, he could relax.

Except he couldn’t relax.

He was shaking.

The adrenaline that had been pumped through his body only minutes before was still there. It had nowhere to go, and so it was expelled through shivering, shaking, shallow breaths…and then crying.

Sobbing. Screaming. The other sides couldn’t hear, so it didn’t matter. He could scream, he could drag his nails against everything, just to expel the energy. He needed to get rid of it, he hated it so much. He could punch…he could punch the wall.

Logan wound up, and swung with all his might. It was weak, but it felt good. The pain screaming through his knuckles felt good. So he punched again. And again. And again. From pain to bruising. And then to bleeding. Red blood that stained the wall, copper blood that dripped onto the carpet, maroon blood that stuck to his skin. Finally, _finally_ all that energy was gone. His hand was bleeding, and he grabbed a nearby shirt to wrap it in. He had no idea how to hide this from the others, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything.

_Patton knows big words._

**_Who cares?_ **

_Roman knows Spanish._

**_Who cares?_ **

_They’re all stealing your identity._

**_Who cares?_ **

_The fans don’t like you._

**_Who cares?_ **

**_“You care.”_ **

**_Yes I do._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If people like this and would want to see more, I could totally write more. Not sure whether I'd make it Healing Fluff or Even More Painful Angst


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People wanted more, so I'm writing more! This chapter is angsty angsty angst. The next chapter will be healing fluff though, don't you worry!

It had been hours since Logan had hit the wall. He had sunk to the ground, and the shirt he had grabbed was now stained with his blood. Tears continued to stream down his face, but he was silent. His throat ached, his arm was sore, and his knuckles were raw. Logan’s head was pounding, he was exhausted. Yet he couldn’t sleep. He just stayed on the ground, his eyes glazing over as the sunlight peered through his windows. It was too bright, but he was too tired to close his curtains.

**_This is what I’ve been reduced to. An exhausted, bleeding, crying,_ **

“Logan?” Patton’s voice echoed through his room.

“Logan? You alright?” Thomas joined him, concern seeping into his speech. Logan had to think quickly. He remembered what they had done with Virgil, the others could come into his room any minute and see him on the floor…

He got to his feet, and pulled himself into Thomas’ living room.

He stood in front of the others, forcing a small smile onto his face.

**_They have to believe that everything is fine._ **

He held his hands clasped firmly behind his back. He couldn’t risk any of them seeing his red knuckles. Patton, face filled with concern, broke him out of his thoughts.

“Logan? Why didn’t you come earlier?”

**_I’ll just breathe, readjust my glasses-no! They can’t see my hand. I’ll just…lie._ **

“I apologize, I’m just tired. I was staying up late, working on scripts and things,” he replied nonchalantly. The answer seemed to satisfy Patton, who quietly told him,

“You need to get more sleep,” and turned back to the conversation at hand. Logan tried to pay attention, he really did, but his mind wandered, Thomas, Patton, Virgil, and Roman all melted into one monotonous voice, background noise. He made a few vague comments, tossed an insult or two at Roman, and grimaced when he thought he heard Patton make a pun. The others eventually sunk out, and a few moments later, Logan realized that the conversation was over. He gave a quick nod to Thomas, who looked worried, and started to ask him something that Logan couldn’t quite hear as he sunk out.

**_This is fine. If nobody cares about me or my identity, then why should I care?_ **

He sat on his bed with a book open to the first page. Logan stared at the words for hours, but he couldn’t get his brain to read any of it.

It was almost midnight, and Logan’s stomach growled loudly. Sighing, he closed the book that was still open to the first page, and went on his way to the common area. He opened the fridge, and groggily grabbed the first thing he saw, a green apple. Before Logan could take a bite, however, he heard soft footsteps.

**_The other sides…I have to hide my hand._ **

He quickly stuffed his right hand into his pocket as both Patton and Roman entered the kitchen. When the kind trait saw Logan standing in front of the open fridge, he gave a sweet smile. He didn’t seem to notice Logan’s awkwardly placed hand. Roman, however, certainly did, and he eyed Logan suspiciously.

“Hey kiddo. Roman was saying that he couldn’t sleep, so we’re making some warm milk, want any?” Logan looked down at the smooth green apple in his hand.

“No, thank you.” He started to sink out, but Patton reached an arm out to stop him. His heart rate increased.

“You doing alright, teach?”

“Yes Patton, I’m fine.” His breathing was shallow. Roman sighed, rolling his eyes ever so slightly at the serious trait.

“You have been acting weird,” Roman commented, before snickering and adding, “Well, weirder than usual.” His face was _hot, too hot, **everything is too much, oh god not again-**_

“Princey, drop it!” His outburst made Roman and Patton both flinch. Patton, filled with immediate concern, said in a soothing tone,

“Hey, Logan, we just want to make sure that you’re okay. You have been acting strange, and it’s worrying me. I’ve been losing sleep-”

**_You’ve been losing sleep? My knuckles are raw. My throat is burning. My head is aching._ **

_So much adrenaline, anger, fear, all of it…_

“Who cares?!” Logan spat. Immediately, he realized what he’d said, and looked up to apologize, but instead saw Roman standing protectively in front of Patton, fixing Logan with a furious glare.

**_God, I’ve got to do something, I can’t just leave…_ **

Logan reached out to them, both of his hands fumbling with the air as he tried to find words. And then he realized his mistake. Two sets of eyes were fixated on Logan’s hand.

**_Oh no, no, no. Leave, I have to leave, I’ve got to get out of here._ **

He sunk out, ignoring the horrified faces he left behind. As he left, he thought he could hear Patton mumble something under his breath.

_“We care…”_

**_No you don’t._ **

Back in his room, Logan stood and punched the wall. Hard. Paint flaked off, and the drywall started to crack under his fist. It wasn’t enough. Still filled with horrible, awful energy, he went to the mirror in his room, and took a deep breath.

**_Just pull back…and punch._ **

The sound of breaking glass filled his ears. Cracks crept through the mirror from where he had struck it. Small shards of glass were stuck in his skin. Logan kept going, sobbing and screaming as the mirror was reduced to nothing but shards on the floor in front of him. He turned back and punched the wall, forcing the glass deeper into his skin. Screams, blood curdling shrieks rang out from his throat, piercing his ears and making the tears fall faster from his eyes.

Logan wilted, the energy finally gone. He collapsed to the floor, letting the shards of glass that littered the carpet slice into his skin. He could barely feel his hand any more, and his lips quivered as tears continued to make their way down his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> healing time! It's not as long as the others, (probably because I'm bad at writing happiness) but it's still warm and sweet

On the floor of his room, Logan could hear them, shouting, screaming his name. He knew they would all barge into his room at any moment, but he couldn’t do anything about it, he could barely move, and so he waited for the inevitable.

**_What will they say? They’ll finally see how awful I am, how much of a mess I am-_ **

“Logan!” Patton screamed when he saw the man, curled on his side and covered in blood. Thomas, Roman, and Virgil all looked to the fatherly trait, unsure what to do. Quickly, Patton knelt down and brought Logan into his arms, bringing him and the others to the common room. He laid Logan down on the couch, and turned to the others. “I need a towel with warm water, and get a glass of water for him to drink.” Roman and Virgil nodded, running to get what Patton had asked for. They left Thomas standing there, terrified and helpless.

Patton looked at Logan, shaking his head, and burying his face into Logan’s side.

**_Oh, now I’ve made Patton cry. I really am horrible, aren’t I?_ **

Roman and Virgil came back, giving the towel and the glass to Patton, who began to carefully clean Logan’s cuts. Roman, seeing Logan’s hand, created a long strip of gauze and wrapped it carefully around Logan’s knuckles. As he gently rubbed the towel along Logan’s arm, Patton leaned down and placed a soft kiss to his cuts.

“W-what are you doing?”

“I’m kissing them to make you feel better.” Patton looked up to give Logan a gentle smile, and Logan couldn’t help but smile back.

Finally, he could sit up, and the others sat on the couch beside him as he took tentative sips of water. Thomas, still terrified by the sight of Logan, bloodied and bruised on the floor, spoke first, quietly.

“Logan, you know that we all care about you, right?” Logan stared hard at the floor, and refused to meet his gaze. Roman grabbed his hand, forcing him to look up.

“You’re important. You…” Logan sighed.

“I know I’m important. Obviously, Thomas needs me. But…everyone likes you guys more than me, which shouldn’t bother me so much, but it does, and-”

“Oh, Logan,” Virgil said, leaning over to look at the shaking man. “Is this about what I said a while ago? I was being an angsty jerk, I promise you I didn’t mean it. And it definitely isn’t true.”

Patton nodded, adding, “They love you! They love how goofy you can be, they love your weirdness, they love you for all the same reasons that we love you!” The others nodded in agreement.

Roman, still holding Logan’s hand, had an idea. He created four sharpies, and handed them to Thomas, Patton, and Virgil, keeping one for himself. Without a word, he leaned in and drew a crown on the gauze that he had wrapped Logan’s hand in. The others immediately joined in, drawing stars and smiles, filling the thin strip of gauze with color. When they had finished, Logan looked down and couldn’t help but smile, even as tears rolled down his cheeks. Patton placed a hand on Logan’s leg.

“You’re important, and I think we all realize that we might need to take your feelings into account more often, because, like it or not, you do have feelings.”

**_No I don’t._ **

**_“Yes you do.”_ **

Out loud, Logan mumbled, “Who cares?”

“We care,” Roman reassured him. Logan opened his mouth to protest, but Virgil cut him off, gently grabbing Logan’s shoulder.

“Yes we do.”


End file.
